My Essays

Oct 13, 2021
Essays of Stoan: Bracing for the tsunami

Bracing for the tsunami

I was barely awake when the doctor phoned. I had fed the cat her breakfast and stumbled back to bed following another night of sleep scarcity. I didn’t want to be awake, I wasn't ready for the day to start. But when the phone buzzed I knew I had to take it. He...

Oct 14, 2021

Hold or Fold

Fight or give up.  I was always amazed when I heard someone decided against treatment for cancer, decided to just do nothing. Why would you not fight? Why not continue clawing your way to life?  Life is so good, exciting, invigorating and filled with adventure,...

Oct 17, 2021

Free from matter

Matter, noun Be of consequence, have meaning, implies something, has influence and considered of value. Substance - what physical objects consists of are composed of Surbarance I will do nothing, there is nothing I have to do about it.  It will only matter if we...

Oct 29, 2021

The lies fear tells

Fruit salad.  Emotion fuelled thoughts become chopped up and fragmented, layered in a haphazard spectrum of extremes and moderation.  Some thinking you do on purpose and some thinking happens to you.  The thinking you do on purpose you can keep measured and guided,...

Oct 31, 2021

Day Seventeen

"That's when it gets real." The doctor was explaining the side effects of chemotherapy and we got to the question of losing hair.  As if the numerous, brutal and unrelenting  effects that chemo inflicts on your body and mind hasn't made it real yet. Chemo is about...

Nov 1, 2021

How chemo is

I don't suppose there is a right way to react the first time a doctor uses the word chemotherapy, if there is I have not been read in.  You can't write about cancer without using some clichés. So, here's one: nothing prepares you for hearing any of it. Hearing that...

Feb 21, 2022

The Gift of Cancer

One of the first things a friend said to me after cancer number one showed up was that cancer will teach you who your real friends are.  It's cliched, it's passe, but unfortunately, it's determinedly and unmistakably true.  I understood the sentiment but wasn't...

Apr 7, 2022

Of doctors, healers and medical engineers

Doctors and a lot of the medical profession have changed, care is no longer what the principles of oath intended. Not only has care become commercialised but also more strictly technical, which is expected with the gains in technological solutions over the past few...